Kendra Cherry gives a very nice overview of nine distinct communication channels apart from the words we choose:
Nonverbal communication plays an important role in how we convey meaning and information to others, as well as how we interpret the actions of those around us. The important thing to remember when looking at such nonverbal behaviors is to consider the actions in groups. What a person actually says along with his or her expressions, appearance, and tone of voice might tell you a great deal about what that person is really trying to say.
I love the fine distinctions. Master these and send ten different messages at once.
The “P” in “NLP” stands for “programming,” as in “computer programming.” I’ve found it very useful to learn basic computer programming and to read what programmers write about what they do.
Programmers work in teams, and “soft skills” are increasingly important in the field. Today I found a reference to one of NLP’s Presuppositions:
I began to realize that nobody–including myself–was really taking the time to understand the motivations of their colleagues. When John presented the situation to me, he thought he understood Gargamel’s motivations, and I didn’t question that understanding. Similarly, Gargamel thought he understood Dr. Claw’s motivations and neither he nor his manager questioned that understanding. But I had met both Gargamel and Dr. Claw. They are both very nice, generous people who don’t resemble their cartoon villain namesakes in the slightest.
We do tend to take better care of others than we do ourselves. It’s so much easier to tell someone else how to make a positive change than to come to good conclusions about our own lives.
I’ve used that tendency to my own advantage many times, both in my own life and in my coaching of other people.
When someone comes to me and asks for advice, and I haven’t the slightest idea what to tell them, I ask, “If someone came to you with this same problem, what would you tell them to do?” I love the fact that they almost always come up with a great solution to their own problem.
After two years of benign neglect of this site, I updated the blogroll. I added two and wanted to draw your attention to them.
Andy Smith’s Practical NLP Podcast is just profoundly good. He explains the fundamentals of NLP in such a way that you can put them to immediate use in your everyday life no matter what your level of training.
Barking Up The Wrong Tree is… difficult to describe. I’ll let you have a look.
Got a favorite blog for NLP, hypnosis, persuasion, or related topics? Let me know in the comments!
In one of my favorite blogs, Barking Up The Wrong Tree, we find five “how to read people” secrets backed by research:
- Don’t make the usual mistakes: Take context, clusters, baseline, and biases into consideration.
- First impressions are often accurate: With a number of traits you can trust your gut. But know which ones.
- Trust mimicry and emotional expression: But they have to be sustained and consistent.
- Awful people have tells: Pay attention to notice them. And look for narcissists in flashy clothing.
- Deepening voice and touching says “flirting”: True for both men and women.
I received an e-mail today from Tom O’Connor. In it, he mentions research by Shawn Achor, a researcher of happiness. Mr. Achor says that, to be happy, we need only do the following five things every day:
- Write down three things you’re grateful for
- Write about one positive experience you had over the last twenty-four hours
- Do some form of exercise
- Do one “random act of kindness” for someone else
I wonder if it’s really so simple. Let’s find out.
Charlie Badenhop. That’s who. New York City. That’s where.
If you haven’t heard of him until now, it may be because he lives in Japan. He rarely gets back to the US. I hadn’t heard of him before my friend Joel Elfman told me about some bodywork training he’d done with Charlie. Couldn’t speak highly enough of him.
This past year, I got to meet him myself. He was a guest trainer at the Master Practitioner training offered by Doug O’Brien and Jonathan Altfeld in Vermont. He was truly amazing. It’s tough to put into words.
Go experience him firsthand. Read more about it and sign up for his rare US training in Seishindo.
Back in 2008, I thought I’d try an experiment with keeping a calendar of NLP trainings.
Today, I trashed it. Consider the experiment to have failed.
I had to break some bad news to some people today, and it reminded me that I hadn’t posted it here. I think I should fix that now.
My old Internet friend, the Gentle Giant of NLP, Quentin Grady, died over a year ago, on June 7, 2010, after a long and valiant struggle with cancer.
For you who knew him, there’s nothing I can say that could inspire you to appreciate him more than you already do. You know he was an amazing man.
For those who didn’t know him… I grieve your loss as much as I do my own. You could read over 1200 of Quentin’s Usenet posts from alt.psychology.nlp if you wanted to get a feel for who and what he was.
If this is the first you’ve heard of Quentin’s death, I’m sorry to have waited so long to pass it on.
Visit Quentin’s Memorial Web site and leave a comment.
Dr. Jack Schafer is a psychologist and a retired Special Agent for the FBI. He specializes in what he calls “narrative analysis,” which entails examining the other-than-conscious motivations people have for choosing a particular word or phrase in a given context. He trains peace officers and others in this skill for interviewing suspects. He’s started to teach Just Plain Folks like you and me, though, and he’s taken a blogging spot (Let Their Words Do the Talking) on Psychology Today.
Every article I’ve read there has been awesome in its usefulness. (Cops aren’t big on theory. Theory can get you shot!) What got my attention, though, was his five-part series called “The Poor Man’s Polygraph:”
Short, to the point, extremely useful, easy to learn and implement. Go check it out!